sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
