im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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