Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
