so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
