Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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