honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
