I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
