The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How naked do you want me to be?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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