I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
tell me about the eggs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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