i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
