ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wish my penis had a tongue
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
