Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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