Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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