I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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