Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
