IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
