He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
