do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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