we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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