Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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