I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
