we have pet lesbian snakes
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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