He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
