I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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