I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
