Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
