I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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