is your mom at the bar?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
