Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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