Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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