If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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