she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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