Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
