At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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