Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The air taste purple.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
