The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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