I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if only i could text you this smell
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
