Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
