i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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