OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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