I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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