she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize