My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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