im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
