Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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