he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
