Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
