There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
