Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
