i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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