allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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