She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
