My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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