You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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