Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize