Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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