spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
