First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
