I will die if light touches me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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