very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can I color on your dick again?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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