a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
