Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
