i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
