I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
