end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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