I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
