at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
