Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
