when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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